Makeup on the Cheap; Test Drives

Okay, lady friends, as some of you know, I am searching for a cheaper alternative to my beloved MAC for a few high frequency use products (namely liner, brow pencil, and mascara). I asked my girlfriends via FB for their favorite cheapie brand suggestions, and then went to the store and made a few purchases. I then wore a different brow pencil and eyeliner on each eye and worked a busy 11hr cocktail serving shift to see which products wore best, and had the best longevity.

Last night's trial products were ELF cream liner ($3), Revlon ColorStay liquid liner ($7), the Maybelline brow pencil in dark brown ($3), and the Rimmel brow pencil in dark brown ($3).
Despite recommendations from some of my most respected makeup artist friends, I found that the ELF liner..well, frankly, kinda sucked, especially when compared to my daily go-to of Blacktrack gel liner from MAC. It wasn't as rich or opaque as I like, and it had a funny flow that made it harder to apply. Also, by the end of my shift, most of it was gone. Not so for the Revlon ColorStay-it went on easily, and stayed put with zero smudging all day. I daresay it outperformed MAC Bootblack, and is $10 cheaper. I will say, I will probably spring for Blacktrack from MAC for my gel liner until my dying day, but I'm definitely a liquid liner convert to the Revlon.

The winner of the brow pencil contest wasn't quite as cut and dry. They both went on well and easily, though they both had a slight tint of auburn-ness that was probably only really noticeable to my anal self......In terms of longevity, they both actually held up pretty well (as in I still had eyebrows at 3am), but the Maybelline appeared to have turned more reddish as the night wore on, so I'm giving this round to the Rimmel.

This little test isn't over yet. Today I am trying out Rimmel's black waterproof pencil (their version of Graphblack for you MACphiles), and the Wet n Wild brow pencil. I also plan on going by Ulta today to see what all the NYX hype is about. Stay tuned!!!!

Some thoughts on SOPA...

Over the last few days, the media world has been dominated by the SOPA discussion, from NPR to my FB page. Inspired by my friend Ranessa and her partner Jason’s post “What has the Internet done for me lately?”, I began to ask myself that question, and the list builds so rapidly that it would be pointless to innumerate, but one overarching theme became clearly dominant- The internet has EMPOWERED me. It has empowered me in ways that nothing else has, as a consumer, as a parent, as a patient, as a tenant, a home-buyer, a home-seller, a student, and employee, hell, as a citizen at large - from having the freedom and ability diagnose a mystery rash on my toddler and then treat it homeopathically at home, to understanding my legal rights, to learning how to trim my own bangs and make my own cleaning products; the internet has fully changed and augmented my life more than any other relationship outside my spouse and children. Anything you want to take the time to learn, you can learn on the internet- you are limited only by your own determination, which is gratifying and inspiring, if not occasionally overwhelming. The reason the internet is able to do this is because, by and large, it has remained the last truly free frontier, the last venue for unrestricted information exchange. The internet is the only true global democracy-your vote is your mouse click every time you navigate to a specific page. SOPA aims to change that, to begin the process of slowly regulating and dismantling the free internet. This is catastrophic. The beauty of the free internet is its capacity to support change, whether that change is personal or political, from the Arab Spring to the social-media outpouring of love and subsequent benefit organization for Esme Barrera. The free exchange of information has allowed society to progress more in the last 20 years than it has in the last 2,000. I am aware of the arguments from Sen. Chris Dodd and others, that profit loss due to piracy has lead to and will lead to many more job losses. I empathize with this-piracy must be addressed, but not at the cost of internet liberty. In my opinion, you can’t really put a price on the freedom and most of all, empowerment that the internet provides. So please, sign a petition, write your Senator, tell a friend. Do what you can to support those that are fighting SOPA. Take a stand for the fabulously free “Wild West” of the internet.

DIY Laundry Detergent and Household Cleaners

Ok, as anyone that knows me will attest, I am no hippy-I use AquaNet without shame, and gleefully consume dead animals. However, I am cheap and fiercely independent, and self sufficiency is highly appealing to me, so I recently began making all my own household cleaning products, including laundry detergent. The added bonus is that, yes, they are all natural, so my 2 year old son could polish off an entire bottle of my window cleaner unharmed. They are all surprisingly effective, if not better than chemically store bought crap. Several friends have requested recipes, so here goes:

1) Laundry Soap

So, each batch lasts my family of 5 about 8 wks, and we do a ton of laundry. It costs about $4.00 a batch to make, so you can see the instant cost saving appeal. Plus, you customize the scent with fresh herbs and essential oils (I use rosemary from my garden and lavender essential oil, but you can use whatever you want-thyme, bergamot, sandlewood, etc), which I really love.

You will need:

• 2 cups grated plain bar soap ( I use Ivory-it usually takes about 2 bars. An 8 year old for grating labor also comes in handy)


• 4-6 sprigs fresh herb of choice


• essential oil (10-20 drops)


• 2 cups Borax


• 2 cups washing soda (Both borax and washing soda can be found at Ace hardware, and most grocery stores)


• A large pail with 2 gallons water already in it

Bring 4 1/2 cups water to a boil in a large-ish pot. Add soap, stirring until it dissolves. Add herbs, Borax, and washing soda, stirring until blended and well dissolved. Pour mixture into the bucket with the 2 gallons of water, then stir vigorously. Allow to sit overnight, then stir and strain into containers in the morning-I use large tupperware canisters and old Tide containers. Stir a bit before each use, as it can get a bit thick. Use 1/2 to 1 cup per load, depending on size. Your laundry will smell delicious!

2) Glass Cleaner

• 1 cup distilled white vinegar


• 2 cups water


• 1/2 tsp dish soap


• 10-15 drops essential oil ( I like lemongrass for cleaning products-smells fresh and clean!)


• 0ne drop blue food coloring (optional, but it feels more authentic)

Shake all together in a spray bottle-Voila!

3) Disinfectant- straight hydrogen peroxide in a spray bottle, a drop of pink food coloring and some essential oil-so simple

4) All Purpose Cleaner-

• 1 tsp washing soda


• 1/2 tsp liquid castille soap


• 1/2 cup vinegar


• 2 cups hot water


• essentail oil


• one drop green food coloring

Okay, this one gets a little science experiment-y because a reaction takes place initially with the washing soda &vinegar, so do it in a sink. Add washing soda and castille soap to spray bottle. Add 1/2 cup vinegar, let it fizz up and freak out a bit, then add two cups hot water. Add essential oil, and food coloring. Done!

5) Softscrub-just mix baking soda and liquid soap.

To clean toilets, baking soda and vinegar is a great combo, though I still periodically use bleach to go nuclear on any lingering germs.

None of this is very time consuming, and it saves a ton of money. My next mission: homemade cleansers and skincare!!

Adventures in Piss and Agony: The Chapparal Dog Park

My family and I woke up to a promising, typically warm spring Sunday here in the valley, and we were excited to get outside and enjoy the weather. After a quick breakfast and only a couple mild tantrums, it was decided we would start the day by taking Tigerlily, our loopy lab, to the dog park. We loaded the crew into the car, turned on the Gaga, and headed off. The dog park that is closest to our home is located right in the heart of Scottsdale, which, for those of you who aren't local, is typified by spray tans, $$$, and an assorted slew of acronyms-BMI, IRA, MVP, you get the idea. Not always the coziest, friendliest bunch, but generally not totally unbearable. Until today. We arrived at the dog park as usual and without incident, pleasantly surprised that they had a side of it open that we had never been in before, all grassy and pretty with litttle hills. Our dogs favorite thing to do at the dog park is haul ass in circles. She runs and runs and runs, occassionly cruising by one of us at close range, like a missile narrowly missing its target. Now, usually I wear the baby carrier and wear our infant son Jude on our chest when we go. However, as I'm nursing a back injury, my husband was wearing the baby today. Unfortnately, during one of her high speed grazes, she knocked Ken on his ass, taking Jude down with him. Undoubtedly, no one was to blame for this but our dumb dumb dog, They were both okay, but it scared the holy crap out of the baby, and he was screaming like a hooker in church. I took him from Ken to comfort him, and went to sit in the shade on this little concrete block. He had just started to mellow out, and we were all finally recovering from the sting of embarrassment that comes from being the spectacle of the dog park, when this obese, grey blob of a dog saunters over and while I'm not paying attention , starts to piss all over my legs and brand new, supercute zebra print sandals. DEATH!!!! I screamed-which made Jude start wailing again. The incompetent and flakesville owner runs up and says a half-ass sorry, then points me in the direction of some water before walking off. BITCH-how about offering to pay for my new Roxy flops that you're lumbering piss wagon of a dog just ruined. No one offered to help in anyway, and I was left standing, dripping pee, with a screaming, crying baby. People sure had no problem staring at our crisis, but God forbid someone offer up their water bottle so I could rinse my legs and feet. At this point, I was over it, and just wanted to get the hell out of dodge and to go home and rinse Romeo's piss pheremones off my leg. So, we round up Tigerlily, grab the toddler and the baby and start making our way out, being ogled by the unresponsive, unhelpful, inconsiderate inhuman dog park patrons of central Scottsdale. So, I'm holding my 3 yr olds hand at this point, as we're walking out, and in walks this short, fat squat turtle of a man with his short, fat, squat English Bulldog. Well, as soon as the lil homie was let off his leash, he made for Scarlet like she was made of bacon, jumping up and tackling her. Ken kicked the dog off of her, and then I grabbed it by its collar to hold it back. Meanwhile the slothlike asshole owner is just slowly mosying over, taking his time, not at all concerned by his dogs actions and attack. Ken says to him, "Dude, do you want to hurry and get your dog that just attacked my daughter," and all slob-troll says is"Its a dog park", all curt and nasty. I damn near lost my mind. I proceeded to get all Chuco town hoodrat on him, and was like" Maybe you shouldn't take your damn dog in public if it thinks kids are edible". At this point, he entire dog park was watching us like we were an episode of Cops, and we scooped up our babes and fled that seen as fast as humanly possible. Seriously-zero humanity present in that park today. Granted, I felt like I was trappped in a bad sitcom-who has all this bad shit happen in literally only 5 minutes of being at the dog park? We could feel the scorn of the elitist childless upon us, people who elevate their pets to god-like status to fill the void their empty, latte fueled lives leaves in their barely existent souls. These are the same people who, when the finally have kids through IVF at 48, will raise them to be disrespctful, self absorbed douchbags in the name of "self-esteem". Barf. Next time, we're taking our family circus to the Tempe dog park, with the happy hippy stoners and other friendly folk.

Where have all the smart people gone??????

Well, the damn thing passed. The Pelosi-Reid healthcare bill is now the law of the land. Let's not call it Obamacare, because the former two had a far greater hand in it than the latter. So why am I not rejoicing, given that I most typically identify with the left? Because this bill is seriously flawed, in huge significant ways. To those who say, "well, its and start, and we'll learn from our mistakes along the way", my response is that $964 Billion is a HUGE mistake to learn from, and our economy cannot handle any more squeeze on the middle class-nor can our deficit handle the additional spending that correcting the mistakes will require. I am also burned out on the tired, old rhetoric that if you don't support this bill, you must not care about helping people-au contraire, I care, a lot, but let's start by looking at who we're helping and why. Unless you are elderly AND poor, or disabled and unable to work, medicaid and other government healthcare should be a safety net for when you fall on hard times, not a lifelong solution for you and your family. This is what creates generational entitlements. Allow me to elaborate for you-I spent some time volunteering at a substance abuse program for low-income, young mothers. Of the 11 young women I met and spoke with, only 2 understood that there was private insurance that one could purchase or obtain through employment. The rest of these girls HONESTLY thought that AHCCCS (Arizona's version of medicaid) was the only way to get health coverage. They were all in their early 20's, with multiple children, all had WIC and other services, and ALL had never applied for a job on their own. I do not blame or judge these girls-they were raised not to know any other way. But this is a classic example of what is wrong with our social programs-they aren't a failsafe or back up plan, they are the only way for many people. Unless we go to a completely public, government system, the middle class who pays taxes and pays for insurance will continue to unduly carry the burden of this institutionalized poverty. Obviously, there needs to be much done in the way of jobs and education to address this, but the culture of entitlement needs to be addressed. I literally met one woman who had 9 children, all of whom were in CPS custody because of a PCP addiction. Obviously this is not always the case, and there are many people who legitimately need and deserve aid. But we have to decide as a society how many of our brothers and sisters we're willing to carry on our backs simply because they will not aspire to more. If you think I'm exaggerating, ask a cps worker or social worker-they'll tell you the ignorance and lack of knowledge of options is SHOCKING. There needs to be a balance. We cannot slowly but surely tax away our nation's wealth-we are a consumer sales driven society, like it or not. And if you think any other country has found a better way, with our population and geographic size, please share that example with me, because, thus far, regulated capitalism has been the best and most successful model. Let me stress, I do believe in providing assistance to those in need- I myself benefitted as a young pregnant mother when I had my first child. I recieved Baby Arizona benefits, a program for uninsured pregnant women. I felt that I worked, paid my taxes into the system, and at my hour of need, I took the help that was available, and should always be available. This, to me, is the right way to use these types of services. They are not a long-term plan for healthy adults able to work. Unless there is going to be a fully government, public health system like Canada or the UK that benefits everyone equally, it is unfair and wrong for the government to allow so many to ride its back at the expense of the working class. Ineffieceny could be corrected and addressed-saying it can't, and that its all or nothing, is a lazy copout from both sides. Allow for those truly, not simply habitually, in need to recieve benefits, and provide benefits for all children under 18. Healthy, working age adults need to provide for themselves, unless they are single women raising young children alone, in which case they should have a "Welfare to School" rather than a "Welfare to Work" program that they may participate in. The message is, "We will help you now so that you can better yourself, so that you may in turn someday help others". That topic is a whole other blog, so the point for healthcare-help people help themselves. Create programs to address the institutionalized poverty and ignorance that so much of our population is mired in. Stop letting food stamps pay for unhealthy, processed foods. If you need government assistance, we can at least make sure you're eating healthy so we don't have to pay even more for your healthcare. There is more than one way to create reform, and it doesn't have to be at the expense of people already breaking under this recession. That said, I recognize how out of control and unattainable the cost of health insurance has become. My family spends 25% of our income on insurance premiums-that is INSANE. The issue needs to be addressed at a regulatory level. Let's implement windfall profit taxes, do other things to bring insurance costs down. Let's implement rate hike caps they way we do for public utilities. There is much to be done to reform healthcare, for sure, but letting the government mandate that you purchase something from a private industry sets a scary precedent and opens a potential Pandora's box for government interference in private life. I don't want the government having anymore power than is absolutely necessary. What I'm trying to get at here, is that while parts of this bill are good and will help people, overall it does little to address the real issues facing us, and it once again places the financial burden squarely on he backs of a slowly disappearing middle class. Expanding entitlement programs and entitlement culture will slowly but surely destroy our economy, and our entrepenuerial, hard-working spirit. Ambition and innovation should be celebrated, not diluted with expectation.

Healthcare Hijinx

There's nothing quite like watching sensible shoe wearing, sexless haircut having, post babyboomer AARPers foam at the mouth and scream and fight like drug addled anarchists over the proposed new healthcare plans from congress. Middle aged moms with names like Trudie and Pat have thrown all decorum out the door to lambast their representatives about "freedom" and the "socialism". It's high comedy to say the least, especially when you consider the ludicrous propaganda fueling their ire. That anyone believes for a minute that we will have "death panels", or euthanasia for the elderly just demonstrates how ignorant a decent chunk of Americans have become. That said, I don't support the healthcare plan either. I voted for Obama, but if this passes, it just may be the nail in his political coffin. Here's why: it screws the moderate middle class that helped cinch this election for him. The benefits in no way outweigh the gargantuan costs. It's more of the same backscratching drivel, leftie style this time. Any legislation that doesn't address the staggering costs of malpractice insurance due to lawsuit abuse isn't worth the paper it's written on. Torte (lawsuit) reform would prevent the ridiculous practice of defensive medicine, where doctors order numerous expensive unecessary tests to prevent liability in the event of a lawsuit. Yet no one in Washington is talking seriously about any real lawsuit reform. Do you know why? Because we continue to elect a bunch of lawyers on both the left and right to represent our interests. Obama's plan is going to drive up costs for folks who pay for their own insurance and small businesses that provide it to employees in two ways: 1) by potentially taxing employer based benefits as income, and 2) by requiring insurers to provide coverage regardless of preexisting conditions, to which insurers will respond by dramtically raising their rates. Rich people can shoulder this extra burden without much distress, but a working family like mine will have our backs broken by it. The way the momsta sees it, there are only two ways to fix our healthcare problem. The first is to bite the bullet and switch to a governement sponsored single payer system, as healthcare for profit is an intrisically BAD IDEA. Given our population size and ideology as a country, however, this option is damn near impossible. The next option is to take 4 crucial steps. The first step is to dramatically restrict malpractice lawsuits, thereby making malpractice insurance all but unnecessary. The second step is two provide significant tax incentives to insurers for providing low cost coverage to those with preexisting conditions, costs that would be regulated by a government body. The third step is to require insurers to provide insurance on an income based sliding scale, which would be subsidized by the government. The cost for this would be offset by taxing the hell out of unhealthy crap like soda, junk food, and cigarettes. The cost benefit of that is twofold. Lastly, we need to create incentive for healthy preventative lifestyle choices. Insurance discounts for being gym members, for having a low BMI, for being a nonsmoker etc. How, you ask, does this provide coverage to the millions of uninsured who claim not to be able to afford it? On the sliding scale system, those iwth no income at all would be exempt from paying. Others would pay according to what they could afford based on income. This is far more cost efficient the our current medicare or medicaid system. It doesn't make sense that seniors with hefty pensions and IRA's get the same benefits as those living off of social security. It still allows for healthcare to remain a free market industry, just with far more extensive goverment regulation and involvement. Let's call it a compromise. And p.s.-if there were going to be a death panel, it would be based on severity of hairstyle, not age : )

Popping my blog cherry, a.k.a. the roach wars

So, in my usual fashion, I catch on to technology years after everyone else, only now finally taking the blogospere plunge. I didn't even get a cell phone until 2004, so it's no surprise that I'm only now exploring the totally narcisisstic, self indulgent medium that is blogging. And what, you may ask, finally compelled me to divulge my innermost rants and raves to the masses? Was it the premature birth of my third child? The trauma of almost bleeding to death at 27? The psychologically and emotionally draining rollercoaster ride of having my son in the NICU for 6 weeks? The latest ignorant bile to pour from Sarah Palin's mouth? No, my friends, it's cockroaches. Yes, the dirty, invasive, nervous breakdown inspiring scourge from the depths of hell has set up shop in our condo after four years of bug free living. Just in time for our move to a new, larger place. Nothing quite adds to the stress of a move like the specter of possibly having one of these little bastards hitchhiking a ride to our new place. The question of what brought this pestilence upon us looms large in my mind. We're clean folks, despite the presence of a toddler and a 32 year old man. We lived here without seeing so much as an ant for four years, with the exception of the occasional lost cricket. And then, at the peak of the most stressful summer of my life, they appeared. Just one or two at first, but I knew what it meant. When you see one or two of the little f@*kers, you know there are at least 30,000 more hiding in your walls. I'd been down the german cockroach path before. Fearing for my kids and pets, I called some hippy-dippy green exterminator to come spray. We had this guy come out 3 times, and thought we had nipped the problem in the bud. Then right when I began packing for the new place, they returned with a vengence. They popped up in my kid's art box, under my bathroom scale, even on my daughters chest of drawers. We were clearly under siege. When I sounded the alarm to my husband, he laughed at my "melodrama". Laughed until one of the vile invaders accosted him while he was taking a leak. Sufficiently creeped out, he agreed to catch my back on launching a full scale war against the plague, lest they should follow us to our pretty new abode. We started by unpacking anything we had packed in cardboard, and blowing a cool $200 bucks of my maternity leave savings on plastic tubs to repack everything in. Cockroaches LOVE the cardboard, so that shite had to go. We then called the non-hippy cockroach slayers at Terminix to come unleash a holocaust at our place the week before we move. Debit another $130 bucks from my savings. War is not cheap. The holocaust took place yesterday, and so far, no sightings, though I still creep around my own home in fear of spotting a racing, scuttling brown spot from the corner of my eye. Sometimes they move so fast and covertly, you question yourself and suspect the delirium and fear is causing you to hallucinate, only to find that, alas, there is a roach perilously perched at the edge of your toaster oven. As a result of the infestation, I have decided to discard both my microwave and toaster oven, as appparently they like to set up shop in appliances. I fear this will severly limit our ability to sell this place when we put it on the market at the end of the month, but I would rather spend the next seven years with a foreclosure on my credit report than another week of living in fear here.